Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Match Report - 24 Mar 2014 - Dreadball

Time for round two of the club's monthly Dreadball league, in which I got to play newcomer John's Kawazaki Krushers, a bunch of Orx. Over to the usual commentary crew, who seem to be facing some technical difficulties:[1]

"Welcome to Valhalla Stadium once again, where you find us about six rushes from the end of a gripping game between the Asgard Valkyries and the Kawazaki Krushers: it should be more one-sided than it is, but tonight the Valkyries apparently can't throw for toffee, but are still four-zip up. We're also suffering from a loss of picture feed, so we're going to be doing this old-school." 
"Vish not sure he like sound of that, Jason."
"Why not, big guy?" 
"Hard enough for Vish to get word in edgeways as it is." 
"Too bad. You join us as Valkyries' striker Ola Gunnarson picks up a scattered ball, and ducks between two Krushers guards, in to the three point zone. This for a whitewash - she can't possibly miss from there. Must score! And she... misses..." 
"Bwhaha... Vish think that absolutely priceless." 
"Indeed. Gunnarson pings the throw off the stanchion of the strike target, straight back at her, clean between the eyes. Quite how she's still on her feet I don't know. End of the rush... Here come the Orx." 
"Ooopsie. Ola not on her feet now." 
"Indeed not. Gunnarson's being 'ported off, and if she wasn't seeing stars before, that big guard made sure she is now. And here comes one of the Krushers' goblin jacks to clean up the scattered ball... oh. Dear." 
"Vish starting to think that bar of soap, not ball." 
"He fumbles the pickup. It's like a game of pinball there, as the ball rebounds off the ref bot, the arena wall, the ref bot again and the arena wall again. And since the Orx have lost possession, here comes the second last rush for the Valkyries. Oh dear." 
"Ugh. Ugly, ugly play. Ugly like Vish's grandmother." 
"You could be right, big guy. Ho. What a mess. The Valkries try to get a couple of jacks in range of the ball, but nothing doing. Over to the Orx: a jack manages to pick it up this time. Passes it - can the Krushers get downfield and take this game into overtime... no!! missed pass. Loose ball, last rush for the Valkyries. And here comes Valkyries' stunning blonde backup striker Freya Sigurdsdottir, at a flat run from the bench. Sidesteps a guard, stretches the run to grab the loose ball, clean pickup..." 
"Vish getting that strange thing again. Can't remember phrase. It on tip of tongue." 
"Post-concussion syndrome?" 
"Not funny. Vish have doctor's note for that." 
"I've seen it, folks. Not so much a note as a novel..." 
"Ah. Vish remember. Déjà vu. Vish pretty sure we were here a rush or two ago." 
"Long legs take her into the three point zone. She must score... Oh my goodness..." 
"Vish note for viewers - thudding sound you hear is Jason's head on desk. Jase fancy Freya. Jase was looking forward to post-match interview." 
"How on all the planets this side of Azure IX did she miss that? How? I mean - it was an absolute sitter..." 
"Vish not sure. But Vish think Valkyries coming down with something." 
"Don't know. Vish pretty sure it not catching, though. Or throwing."
And on that note...

My thanks to John, whose first ever game of Dreadball it was, for a really fun game.

[1] translation: guess who forgot his camera?

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